


hold onto me

by jayeinacross



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Deathfic, Developing Relationship, M/M, Romance, Trope Bingo Round 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 00:30:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/998716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayeinacross/pseuds/jayeinacross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tendo usually knows exactly what he wants. As it turns out, so does Chuck.</p><p>Chuck and Tendo, from beginning to end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hold onto me

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [kii](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyala) for being a great beta, and putting up with me wailing about timelines and freaking out as this fic went from 4,000 words to 10,000.
> 
> This fic takes place over a period of about six years. There are a number of inconsistencies and discrepancies in the Pacific Rim timeline, but this fic follows the pre-movie events timeline fairly closely. The events of the movie seem to happen right after one another, but this fic goes by the timeline in which there are several days in between Raleigh's arrival in Hong Kong, the double event, and the triple event.
> 
> Written for my trope bingo free space.
> 
> [Hold Onto Me - Mayday Parade.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaGuYpiSB8g)

Working Mission Control means that Tendo has to be careful to maintain a kind of balance to do his job well. He knows almost everyone in the Shatterdome, from scientists to trainees to technicians, but it’s the Rangers that he works most closely with. He has to know how they react to things and how well they cope in tight situations, and they need to establish trust between them. The Rangers and Jaegers might do most of the heavy lifting, but they rely on Tendo for information and direction, and the ability to communicate is essential. They work more smoothly together for a closer relationship, but it also makes it that much harder for Tendo to distance himself emotionally.

They're not just co-workers, or just Rangers -- they're his friends as well. They're the people that Tendo sees every day, chats to when they pass by each other in the Shatterdome, jokes around and goes out for drinks with. He and the Rangers have to trust each other with not only their own lives, but the lives of tens of thousands of others every time a Kaiju attacks. Whenever a Jaeger is in danger of going down, he has to force down his emotions and the thoughts that it’s his friends out there and that they could die any second. He can’t afford to crack under the pressure, to lose it at this critical moment, and that goes for the pilots as well. Drifting’s a two-way street, and so is this.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Chuck loves Striker Eureka from the moment he lays eyes on her, and he knows that he's going to be out there piloting her someday. For now, he's stuck back at the Sydney Shatterdome while his father and uncle are deployed in Manila, but that's nothing new. It's been the same since he was twelve years old, left at whatever Shatterdome his father's stationed at that month, with only the Shatterdome workers for company. He tells himself that it's not pity when the engineers and techs take the time to explain what they're working on, just recognition of talent. He's joining the Jaeger Academy as soon as he can, and they know that he's going to be one of the best Rangers out there just as well as he does.

There's not a lot for a kid to do in a Shatterdome but learn about Jaegers, so that's what he does. He's fascinated by them, and as long as he doesn't get in the way, he's usually allowed to hang around and watch everyone work. Rangers need a certain level of knowledge about the Jaegers, of course, but their innermost workings are mostly left to the engineers. Chuck still leaps at the chance to know everything about them, though – not just Striker, but all of them. He memorizes every detail, every scrap of information that he's given, and as he gets older, he's allowed to help out with the maintenance. Studying blueprints and upgrades, researching and learning every part of every Jaeger; that's how Chuck keeps busy, and maybe it's not the typical life for a kid, but he's not a typical kid.

He studies and trains hard even before he enters the Academy, and he knows that some people think that it’s not right for a kid to grow up like this, but it’s all he has. His father would still be off piloting in any case, and he’d rather be here, where he can learn, than stuck in an empty home doing nothing, going to a regular school where he wouldn’t care. He wants to be a Ranger, and he’ll be the best.

He doesn't know a life separate from the PPDC anymore, but that doesn't matter, because being a Ranger is the only thing he's thought of since his mother died.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

The first time that Tendo meets Chuck Hansen, he's a cocky kid fresh into the Academy, brimming with confidence and satisfaction. He's fifteen years old.

"You're Herc Hansen's son," Tendo says to him. The bulldog pup trailing alongside Chuck starts sniffing at Tendo's shoes, and he reaches down to scratch behind his ears.

"My name's Chuck," the kid replies, frowning a little at the mention of his father. "This is Max. Who are you? Haven't seen you around before."

"Tendo Choi. I'm a technician, just working here while the Shatterdome's finishing getting set up." He's worked with Herc before, and he recognizes Chuck from the similarities in their features, and from how Herc talked about his son, with exasperation and affection and frustration, a mixture of emotions he hasn’t quite learned how to handle yet. "You've just joined the Academy, right? Good luck."

"I don't need luck," Chuck says, and tugs a little on the leash in his hand. "C'mon, Max."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

"Moving up in the world, Mr. Choi?" Tendo spins around in his chair when he hears that voice behind him, and grins when he sees the Rangers walking towards him through the Manila LOCCENT Centre.

"Looks like I'm not the only one, Becket boys." Tendo gestures towards their dog tags and the emblems on their jackets, and hugs them both tightly.

"Long time, no see," Raleigh says. "Got yourself a nice promotion while you were gone, a fancy uniform and everything -- where's that sharp fashion sense you always had, Tendo?"

"Oh, it's still in here," Tendo grins, tapping his chest. "Don't you worry about that."

He's known the Beckets since they were all still just recruits. They joined the Academy at the same time, but branched off in different directions. Tendo isn't Drift compatible, but he'd become a tech and that's where he’s found his real talent anyway, while Yancy and Raleigh had gone on to be pilots. He's worked with them once or twice since then, and still sees their names mentioned in news sections sometimes -- they're young, but they're naturals, and taking down Kaiju is never easy, but they're good at it.

"You boys better get suited up," Tendo reminds them. It’s going to be good to work with them again, but the readings from the machines suggest that this is going to be a tough fight. "Looks like this is gonna be a big one."

He’s right. It takes three Jaegers to take that Category IV down. They manage it with no fatalities, but Striker Eureka’s damaged – her pilots are shaken and angry when they come out of it, and nobody else is quite sure what happened. Herc heads straight to the Marshal almost immediately afterward, and won’t look even look at his brother, but Tendo’s whisked away by the Beckets before he can find out what’s going on. They still scored a win today and they’re determined to make up for lost time and catch up with him, their excitement and adrenaline from their success infectious.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

"What the fuck happened?"

Herc's too tired to reprimand Chuck for language. "Don't worry about it right now. It's done."

"They're saying Uncle Scott did something -- tell me what happened," Chuck demands, but Herc shakes his head. He hasn't been back in Sydney for very long, and it's been a rough couple of days, but Chuck won't leave this alone.

"Scott's got problems," Herc tells him. "And I tried to get him to stop, straighten himself out, but he won't."

Chuck frowns.

"The Drift's all about trust," Herc says. "It doesn't work unless you’re comfortable in your partner’s head. Manila was the last time. Scott’s been discharged, and he’s not coming back.”

He doesn't need to tell Chuck exactly what Scott's problems are -- there's a lot of them, and he'd never done a very good job of hiding them. Gambling debts and alcohol, and he always said that he was stopping, that he was trying, but his word didn't mean much in the end. Chuck's satisfied enough with that answer; they'd all known that Scott's been going downhill for some time now, and he's got no respect for a Ranger like that. Herc's not sure whether he should be relieved that Chuck understands, or worried because the kid is already focused so completely on being the best Ranger out there.

"I'll be old enough to pilot with you soon, though," Chuck says, and Herc gives him a wan smile. Something that might be regret seeps through, and Chuck ignores it.

"Yeah. Yeah, you will."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

It's the helplessness that's the hardest. The Rangers need LOCCENT, and Tendo knows that what they do back at base a significant part of taking down the Kaiju, but there's only so much that Tendo can do from where he is. He's lost Jaegers, lost pilots before, and those experiences are some of the worst in his life, but this one is the one he wishes hadn't happened the most, and it’s the one that he’ll be replaying in his head for a long time. Yancy’s snatched right out of Gipsy Danger’s cockpit and his vitals go dead a split second before the sensors in his drivesuit go blank, but Raleigh’s screams tell them all they need to know anyway.

Tendo is shocked still for a split second, but he can't afford to freeze now -- he pushes thoughts of Yancy out of his head, tries to forget that it was only two nights ago they were out with Raleigh drinking to their successes, that an hour ago they'd been joking around together. He has to focus on Raleigh now, has to try and figure out a way to help him get out of this alive, but then everything goes dark, and he doesn't know what to do.

Knifehead is dead, they know that much. And so is Yancy. It's a miracle that Raleigh even makes it out alive, piloting Gipsy on his own, something that's almost unheard of. He has to spend a couple of weeks in hospital recovering from his injuries – they’ll leave scars, the drivesuit’s burned lines into his skin -- and for most of that time, he barely even speaks.

"I felt it," he tells Tendo hoarsely when he visits him in hospital. "We were still--Tendo, I can still _feel_ him."

Tendo doesn't know what else to do but stay with him, keep him company when he can, distract him from the memories, but he's not sure how much good it does. Raleigh's out as soon as he's cleared by his doctor, and Tendo finds him in the bunk he shared with Yancy that evening, packing up his things. He's leaving. Technically, he was dismissed -- going after Knifehead like that might have been a joint decision between both of them, but they'd still disobeyed a direct order, and it got one of them killed, risking thousands of other lives in the process -- but Raleigh wouldn't have wanted to stay anyway.

"Where are you going to go?"

Raleigh shrugs. "I don't know. Just anywhere that's not near a damn Shatterdome."

Tendo doesn't want to see both of them gone, but he knows Raleigh couldn't bear to stay here, even if he'd been able to. "Hey, have this." He gives Raleigh a photograph to add to the stack that he's packing away -- Yancy had always liked documenting all the places they'd gone, and together they'd accumulated a lot of keepsakes. The photograph is of the three of them, taken a few years ago when they were still in the Academy. "Take care of yourself, brother. Wherever you end up."

"You too, Tendo." Raleigh hugs him tightly. "Don't get yourself in too much trouble."

"Never, Becket boy."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

The next time that Tendo sees Chuck, it’s because he’s back at the Australian Shatterdome for a while. His impression of Chuck from their first meeting a few years ago doesn’t change an awful lot during their second. He's still got Max with him, but his chest is puffed out a little more, dog tags hanging proudly around his neck. Both he and his dog have grown, Chuck getting broader and taller, like his father. People know him as more than just Herc Hansen's son now; he's made a name for himself as one of the youngest Jaeger pilots yet, now co-piloting Striker Eureka with Herc. Tendo knows he graduated from the Academy at the top of his class -- he always keeps an eye on the best students, since they're the ones that he's going to be working with eventually.

"Looks like you didn't need that luck after all, kid," Tendo says.

Chuck narrows his eyes. His expression isn't hostile, exactly -- more guarded, defensive. "I'm not a kid."

"You look like a kid to me." Tendo doesn't mean that as a challenge -- he's seventeen and his face is still young, his brashness raw -- but that's how Chuck takes it.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

"Hey, Elvis!" Tendo raises an eyebrow at the nickname and turns around to see Chuck walking towards him, a smirk on his face. He and Herc have just taken down a Category IV Kaiju in Striker and his face is still flushed from the fight, his expression satisfied. Chuck might be a teenager still, but he's shown skill beyond that. "Still think I'm a kid?"

"You two did good work out there today," Tendo says. "But yeah, I sure do."

Chuck scowls. "Not just any _kid_ can do what I do."

Tendo just shrugs and smiles. He's not trying to bait him, but he figures there's no need to pander to his ego. Chuck narrows his eyes, and Tendo realizes that this is one of those things that Chuck just isn't going to let go.

He's not sure why Chuck thinks that his continued presence is going to make Tendo change his views -- Tendo doesn't think any less of him for his age, but he is young, and Chuck does tend to overcompensate -- but Tendo doesn't really mind. Sometimes he does act his age, swinging between cocky and sullen in the blink of an eye, but he knows when not to get in the way. Mostly he hangs around LOCCENT on the quiet days, and he’s surprisingly attentive when Tendo shows him how everything works.

More smiles start coming out. Tendo still sees plenty of smirks and sneers, but there are real smiles as well, not as rare than before.

Chuck doesn't smile when he finds out that Tendo's leaving. They both know it's because funds are being cut every day, the PPDC more focused on the Anti-Kaiju Wall now than the Jaeger Program, and Tendo's going to Peru because the Lima Shatterdome is short-staffed and needs to be kept afloat while they still can.

"Don't worry, I'll still be around to teach you plenty more later," Tendo teases, a little half-heartedly.

At that, Chuck gets that determined look in his eyes that Tendo's grown used to seeing, though he doesn’t know how to respond to it this time. "Next time we see each other, I'm gonna have a few things to teach you."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

The first thing that Tendo notices is the growth spurt that Chuck's gone through in the past year. It's probably the last that the kid will have, but it's left him practically towering over Tendo. Chuck purposefully, exaggeratedly grins down at him when he notices the height difference, and Tendo elbows him, but Chuck's brought him two mugs of coffee, so he's not really all that bothered. He's been moving from Shatterdome to Shatterdome, going wherever he's needed most, but it's good to be back here. He's always liked the atmosphere of Sydney, and the Australians know how to throw a good party.

Tendo takes a sip of his coffee and is surprised to find that it's just how he likes it.

"You only drink sixteen cups a day, it's not like it's hard to figure out," Chuck says and shrugs, like remembering how people take their coffee even after almost an entire year is just something he does all the time.

Tendo smiles. "Happy New Year, Chuck."

The New Year always feels hopeful. Tendo knows that nothing much has truly changed from one day to the next, and not even in the year that it's been since he was last back here. If anything, the situation’s only deteriorating, but there’s nothing wrong with a little hope, and the good mood is infectious. Maybe this year they’ll find a way to drive the Kaiju out for good and close the Breach. Or maybe they won’t, but at least for this day, they still have some optimism to live on.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

"You remember me, Max?" Max has gotten a lot bigger since the last time Tendo saw him too. Tendo scratches at his ears like he always used to, and Max snuffles happily.

"Course he does," Chuck mutters. "Told you he likes you, didn't I?"

It’s late and the celebrations haven’t died down just yet, but Tendo’s a little jet lagged and wants some quiet, but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep yet. There are no predicted attacks and everyone’s taken the chance on this one night to hope that they won’t be needed so LOCCENT’s empty, but Tendo can never shake the feeling that they’re never safe, and it’s not like he has anywhere else to be.

“Still a workaholic, I see,” Chuck says, when he and Max find him there a little later. Work’s all Tendo’s really had for a long time, but Chuck sits down with him and stays with him, so he supposes it’s true for both of them. There are probably better things for a nineteen-year-old -- _nineteen_ , Tendo always forgets just how young Chuck is – to be doing on a night like this, but he isn’t about to say no to the company.

They don't speak much, just sit surrounded by the subtle hum of machines around them, and the Breach radar stays silent. Chuck starts to yawn after Max falls asleep in his lap, but he still doesn't leave, and he does look his age when he's starting to slump in his chair, eyelids drooping, more vulnerable than most ever see him. He's been through far more than most have at his age, and he hardly is _just_ a kid, but that's what he should be. He’s out there fighting monsters while he's barely even legal; putting his life on the line when he's barely had a chance to live it at all.

If this is a war, then it doesn't seem like a fair fight, not with teenage boys on the front lines.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Chuck has anchors. Striker is one of them: she's practically a part of him now, moving with him seamlessly when they’re linked up, but she has a weight to her as well, solid and reliable under his hands when he’s working on her after a fight. Herc is another, and Chuck doesn’t know whether that’s comforting or frustrating. There are times when he wishes that he wasn’t tied so inextricably to his father like this, but he also couldn’t imagine Drifting and piloting Striker with anyone else, trusting another person with everything he has and is. Then there’s Max, always trailing alongside him, ever since Herc gave him to Chuck when he was accepted into the Jaeger academy -- his best friend, more loyal than Chuck could ever ask for.

He doesn't have many anchors, but they're enough, and one day he realizes that he has another.

It's Tendo's voice that they hear whenever they're deployed, his presence almost as constant as Herc's, pulling them back to reality whenever they're in danger of losing themselves in the Drift. Tendo takes his coffee black and at least three times a day. He's awake when most of the Shatterdome has gone quiet, never minds talking upgrades with Chuck, and always has a treat for Max in his pocket. They're things that Chuck hadn't even realized that he's learned over the past few months, and now seeing Tendo every day is one of those things that just steadies him, keeps him from tipping too far one way or another, saves him from tumbling over the edge. Chuck knows that people leave, they always leave, but Tendo just seems so unwavering with his casual smile, and Chuck holds onto that.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

"Hey, boss, here’s the--" Kieran, one of the techs, stops short in the middle of his sentence, the file he was about to give Tendo still in his hand. His eyes flicker between the retreating figure of Chuck and the two fresh cups of coffee that are on Tendo’s desk. "Is that--did he just--?"

Tendo stares at him. "What?"

"Did Chuck Hansen just bring you coffee?"

Suddenly, Tendo is acutely aware of everyone else in the room listening in on this conversation. "Don’t you have work to do?"

Another one of the techs sidles closer. "Come on, boss, we won't tell anyone." When Tendo scoffs at that, Christie isn't the least bit offended by his lack of faith. She just says delightedly, "Does _Herc_ know?"

Tendo _really_ wishes she hadn't said that.

Three weeks later, when Chuck corners him on his break, Tendo is one hundred percent sure that this is all Christie's doing. The rest of his techs are probably accomplices. He won't forget this.

"Happy birthday," Chuck says.

Tendo desperately tries not to think about their age difference. He opens the box that Chuck hands him and stares at the little plant in the pot inside.

"It's a cactus," Chuck says, somewhat unnecessarily. "A real one, not one of those synthetic things."

"Thank you." Tendo smiles -- he really does like it. It's kind of sweet that he's gone to the trouble. Even if his techs will laugh at him forever for it. "How'd you know it was my birthday?"

"Just heard it around." Chuck shrugs awkwardly. Then he adds, grinning cheekily, "I figured a cactus would be good, because when you forget to take care of it, it won't die."

Tendo elbows him for that, but he's grinning too.

It really is a good thing that the cactus isn't very high maintenance, because Tendo spends far more time in LOCCENT than he does in his own bunk. But when he does finally come in to sleep, it's nice to have something to come back to, even if it is just a little cactus on his desk.

"So," Kieran says the next morning, innocently. Tendo isn't fooled for a second. "What'd the birthday boy get yesterday?"

"Pentecost gave me permission to fire as many of you as I like," Tendo says, but his empty threat doesn't deter anyone. As usual, everyone is listening in, and Tendo just sighs and tries his best to ignore them until they finally give up, although he doubts the peace will last. They're all persistent and dedicated, which is useful when they're working, but not so much when they're prying into his personal business.

Tendo's always been the kind of person to go after what he wants, but he never expected to want Chuck Hansen. This is riskier than Alison and her boyfriend, far more complicated than any of his other relationships have ever been. Chuck's a Ranger, eleven years his junior, and half shut off from the world. Tendo has enough regrets and doesn't want too many more, but he doesn't think that Chuck would be one of them.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Chuck keeps bringing him coffee. He laughs when Max licks Tendo’s face, glares down anyone who stares at them, and practically beams when he finds out that Tendo keeps the cactus in his bunk. He hadn’t lied; Tendo’s learning new things from him every day – the kinds of bikes that Chuck likes, where the nicest restaurants and liveliest bars in Sydney are, and that when Chuck decides he wants something, he doesn’t let go.

Tendo's screwed.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

There are any number of excuses that Tendo could use when Chuck shows up at his bunk on the night of his twentieth birthday. He's spent months thinking about all the reasons why this could be a mistake, how badly it could end, all the things that could go wrong for them. How many people would disapprove, and for how many different reasons; they're at the tip of Tendo's tongue, ready to drive away something that though he can't bring himself to resist much longer, and from the look on Chuck's face, he's expecting it too.

"I know we both know what's going on here," Chuck says, before Tendo can speak, spout some bullshit he doesn’t mean about why they can’t do this. "So just -- listen. Unless you want me to go."

There's only the tiniest hint of uncertainty in his eyes, and when Tendo doesn't tell him to leave, it disappears entirely.

"So look, I know that there are risks and reasons why people think we can't do this and all that crap. You've probably thought of them all already, and so have I. But screw all of that." He pauses, searching Tendo's face for a reaction. "I'm not drunk, okay?"

"I know." Tendo smiles at that. There's a little alcohol on his breath, but Chuck's not exactly a lightweight, and Tendo would be willing to bet that he hasn't had a drink for a while. Chuck doesn’t always take everything seriously, but when he does, he doesn’t do it halfway.

"I don't take unnecessary risks," Chuck says.

Tendo's seen him fight too many times to think otherwise. Despite all his showmanship and bragging, getting the job done is the most important thing to him, and he's known Chuck long enough to know that he doesn't let other things in his life distract him from his duty as a Ranger, either.

"So what's this?"

"Necessary, I guess," Chuck says, and kisses him.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Herc knows that he hasn’t exactly led by example in this regard, but sometimes he really wishes that Chuck would just talk to him instead of leaving anything important for him to find out in the Drift, like the fact that his son is sleeping with their J-Tech Chief. The memory speeds past and it’s gone in an instant, but it’s new and fresh and powerful and it practically jumps out at him. It’s not entirely unexpected – over the past few months, Tendo’s been showing up in the Drift more often, and they’re not Herc’s memories. Chuck’s been spending more time with him, and his growing affection for the man is almost tangible.

Afterwards, Chuck looks him eye like he’s challenging him to say something. They leave communication for the Drift and they know each other’s minds inside out, but they never talk about what they see in those memories, and some things get lost.

Tendo understands why Herc talks to him and not Chuck, knows what their relationship is like. Herc trusts Tendo -- they've seen each other through the hardest times in this war -- but he can’t completely push down his protective instincts. He needs the peace of mind to know that they’re happy together, because sometimes the Drift’s not enough.

Tendo understands. Chuck doesn’t.

When Chuck sees that particular memory, the surge of anger is immediate. They don’t have time to argue now, but it still simmers throughout the fight, and their connection is shakier than usual.

He's snapping at Herc the minute they're out of the drivesuits. "What the hell are you trying to do?"

"Chuck, you could have just--"

"We don't need your fucking approval," Chuck spits. "You think I should have told you? I didn’t exactly think it was necessary. Wasn’t sure you’d care, _Dad."_

Herc’s made a lot of choices in his life, and sometimes he thinks that too many of them were the wrong ones.

Tendo sighs when he goes back to him, asks him what he needs to do. "I don't know if I'm the person you should be asking."

"I think you are." It's hard, trying to admit that someone else knows his son better than he does, but Herc's pride can only go so far, and he doesn't want this cycle to continue any longer. They pull and they push and take and never give, driving each other to the edge but never knowing how to help each other back.

Tendo gives him a long look, then says bluntly, "He knows that you chose to save him instead of his mother, and I think he wonders what the point was, when this is how the two of you ended up.” Herc can’t say anything. “He doesn’t do this to hurt you. He does it because he doesn’t know anything else. You’re the only one who can fix this one. So talk to him, and make sure he listens. Show him something else.”

Of all the mistakes that Herc has made, Chuck has never been one of them, so he goes to find his son, and he won't let either of them walk away this time.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

When Chuck's been to the ocean, on one of the days he's actually allowed himself to relax and gone to the beach, his skin tastes like the saltwater even after he's showered, and for some reason, Tendo really likes that.

Chuck's as hasty in bed as he is with everything else, always eager to jump into action. He'd joined the Academy the moment he qualified and shot through, blew everyone else out of the way and became a Ranger, never pausing once. He's as impatiently eager here as ever, but Tendo makes him slow down, and Chuck lets him. It's a side of himself that he rarely shows to anyone else; he never willingly lets anyone see him vulnerable, and Tendo savours every moment of it. As much as he was hurrying earlier, Chuck's strangely hesitant at times, trying to control himself, keep himself in check, but Tendo takes him apart until he's writhing and begging and neither of them care who can hear.

He doesn't bother to move much afterwards, just traces the lines of one of the tattoos on Tendo's back languidly. "When did you get this one?"

Tendo glances over his shoulder. "I was sixteen. It was an...initiation thing. Got it modified later."

Chuck raises an eyebrow, but he doesn't seem particularly surprised to find out about Tendo's criminal background. He shares his own tattoos -- one from after he graduated from the Academy, and one to commemorate his first Kaiju kill -- and then his scars. He remembers how he got every single one. Some are from his childhood or accidents during training, but most are from fights. Most pilots get injuries from fighting in Jaegers, the drivesuits often leaving bruises, if not scars. Chuck's barely twenty years old, but he already has a collection of them.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

"You've worked there before, right?"

"Yeah, a couple of times." Tendo's packing his bags, being sent over to Hong Kong. They'd fished Gipsy Danger out of Oblivion Bay back in June, and Tendo's going to help oversee her restoration and reactivation. He hadn't expected to see her again -- she's been in the bay for three years, but she's a part of Pentecost's plan, so they need her.

Chuck hesitates before he asks his next question. They don't talk about the past too much. Both of them have regrets and things they can't forget, but there's no point looking back when they're trying to make sure that they have a future to look toward. Chuck's curiosity gets the better of him anyway. "Did you know them? The Beckets?"

"Yeah. They were friends." Thinking about Yancy reminds Tendo that no matter how good the pilot, every Ranger risks their lives each time they go on a drop. Fighting Kaiju is what Chuck knows best, and it's what he's lived to do since he was a teenager. But even if Herc and Chuck are one of the best teams out there, nothing's certain, and Tendo's terrified of losing anyone else.

"Hey," Chuck says. He must see something in Tendo's expression that gives away what he's thinking. "You know I'm not going anywhere. That's not me."

"You and Herc might be able to come over and see Gipsy yourself," Tendo says, changing the subject. She's one of the only remaining Mark IIIs left, and he knows Chuck would love her, even if she's a bit of a mess right now.

"Hope so," Chuck replies, sounding almost wistful, and kisses Tendo on the cheek. He only usually shows these simple gestures of affection when they're in private, but they still make Tendo smile. They'd been unexpected at first, coming from Chuck, but Tendo's learned that this is how Chuck shows he feels; he just doesn't do it for many people. "Max is gonna miss you."

Tendo raises an eyebrow. "Just Max?"

"And me." Chuck grins. "Don't forget us, all right?"

"Yeah, like you'd ever let me."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Their relationship isn't always easy. Tendo's been away, he's stressed with work, Chuck's been fighting with Herc again -- and sometimes they just seem too different. People say it often enough, meaning well when they say they make a surprising pair, but there's truth in it. Chuck's hot headed and stubborn and Tendo can only handle so much chaos at once. They don't always make it easy for themselves, either. Chuck holds himself to standards of perfection; he's too hard on himself, too hard on everyone else, and Tendo tries to shoulder too much work, and it all weighs them both down sometimes.

They don't argue like Herc and Chuck do. There's no shouting, just quiet truths that hurt too much, and the rest goes unspoken, drawing away from each other's touch, guilt and anger and disappointment and uncertainty shadowing them.

Tendo finds him in Striker's bay, working on a circuitry board steadily. This is where he goes when he needs a distraction. He's scared away most of the other techs for now and is just focusing his energy on what he's doing, making sure that Striker's in perfect condition. She usually is, but it calms Chuck down. It's true that Chuck's arrogance is real, that he's overconfident sometimes, and he's definitely not the easiest person to get along with, but not many people get to see him like this. Max is lying next to him as he works, and when Tendo approaches he barks once, but doesn't leave his master's side. Chuck doesn't look up when Tendo sits down beside him.

Chuck doesn't let people in. His own father can't talk to him and make him listen most of the time, even when they have the Drift. Sometimes Tendo wonders how he ended up here, trying to get past whatever walls Chuck has built up between him and the world, wonders how he even got through to him in the first place.

He thinks about it, and realizes that he still doesn't want to be anywhere else.

"Chuck. I'm sorry." Neither of them had said much during their argument a few hours ago, but it had been enough. "These last couple of weeks have just--"

"Do you want to stop doing this?" Chuck's hands have stopped moving, just resting on Striker's scratched metal, but he still won't look at Tendo. "I mean, if there's something that--if there's someone--"

"No," Tendo interrupts, before he can go any further. Chuck's moments of insecurity are fast and far apart, and it's always a little startling when he gets like this. Tendo pauses. "Wait, do you?"

"Fuck no." Chuck finally dares to glance at Tendo, relaxing when he sees Tendo's expression. "Look, I just--Geiszler said--"

"You've been taking dating advice from Newt?" Tendo blurts out.

Chuck glares at him. "No. He offered it, and I decided to do the opposite." He scowls. "And yeah, it wasn't the best idea."

Tendo laughs, and their fingers brush together. "I'm not leaving you."

"Good," Chuck says softly. The kid's serious about him. Sometimes that scares Tendo a little, but that's okay, because he's still not going anywhere.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

It should be a quiet day. Tendo's got some routine maintenance to do on the servers and then a stack of paperwork, and Chuck's heading off to a sparring session with Herc soon. Right now he's just lounging around on the bed, arm hanging over the edge and absently petting Max while he watches Tendo get dressed.

"Y'know, you could just stay for a while longer," Chuck says.

"Like yesterday?"

Chuck hums. They'd taken advantage of the time they have in the same Shatterdome right now, and both ended up late for work, but it had been worth it. "Exactly."

"Disappointingly, I actually have work to do," Tendo laughs, and kisses him. "Bye. I love you."

Surprise flickers over Chuck's face, and Tendo realizes that it's something he's never said out loud before, but then Chuck's smiling slowly.

"Love you."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

The Shatterdome never sleeps. There's always a light on somewhere. There needs to be constant monitoring for Kaiju activity, so there's always someone in LOCCENT on the night shift, but that's not usually all, either.

Tendo's always had trouble sleeping, ever since K-Day. He gets by on however many of hours of sleep he can manage to snatch and a lot of coffee during the times when the insomnia gets bad, but he needs something to fill the empty hours. When Chuck's there, he often can't sleep either, and they eventually fall asleep together, filling the time with conversations about anything. If Chuck's too exhausted to be disturbed when Tendo slides out of bed in the middle of the night or stationed at another Shatterdome, Tendo goes wandering.

Sometimes he'll head down to the research division with a few cups of coffee, because he's not sure if Newt ever actually leaves his lab, and every time Tendo's gone down there, he's always been working through the night. Other times, he'll go over to LOCCENT and keep whoever's on duty company for a while. It's Becca tonight, but he doesn't much feel like talking and she's been looking more tired than usual lately, so he tells her that he'll take over for the rest of the night. She makes him a cup of coffee gratefully before leaving to make the most of the reprieve, and Tendo doesn't blame her. Their situation is looking worse with every passing week, and they can't see an end to it yet.

Tendo's a little surprise when Stacker turns up around 4AM and sits down with him. He doesn't speak much, just accepts Tendo's offer of tea and stays with him. He looks tired, more than he ever usually allows people to see, but Tendo supposes that they all need this sometimes, when it starts to get hard to breathe.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

"This is ridiculous," Chuck fumes, and there's a crackle of static over the connection. They've known this was coming, spent the last few months unable to do anything but watch as Shatterdome after Shatterdome were decommissioned, but it doesn't make it any easier. They might have hoped that one day they could have done this because it wasn't needed anymore, because they'd won, but it wasn't supposed to happen like this. "We've spent years protecting people, and they're just shutting us down. That damn Wall isn't going to help anyone."

"I know, kid." That still slips out sometimes, but it doesn't irritate Chuck like it used to, it's comfortingly affectionate. Chuck's heading to Hong Kong with Herc in a couple of days. Tendo's already there at the Shatterdome, the last one left afer today. "I've gotta go, but I'll see you soon."

"Am I gonna find out what the hell Pentecost's been planning?" Chuck's got an inkling of what's going on, but he's frustrated at the lack of details.

"They'll probably brief you on your way over," Tendo says, and there's some muffled static as he covers the receiver to shout something at someone. "I really have to go now. Love you."

"Love you," Chuck says, and ends the call.

Watching the Shatterdome go dark is harder than he'd like to admit. Too many people jumped ship when the PPDC started cutting funds to the Jaeger Program, but the ones who were there in the end were the ones who knew where to put their faith, and it wasn't some Wall. It wasn't some huge waste of time and resources and manpower, it was the Rangers, and all the people who worked on the Jaegers.

Herc comes to stand beside him, Max at his heels. "You ready?"

Slowly, piece by piece, they've been trying to repair their relationship. It's hard, because they've barely even had one since Scissure, and they're still a long way away, but they're trying now, at least. Chuck's pretty sure they wouldn't have even gotten this far without Tendo. He's the one who'd convinced them to start trying again, who pushed them into motion, and if not for him, they'd probably still be stuck in the mud, stubbornly refusing to help each other get out.

This place has been their home for years, ever since it was first built. They've got a flat in the city that's hardly even been stepped in, let alone lived in. This is where they've had their life, for better or worse -- here's where they've Drifted together and stayed together, but have been painfully distant at the same time.

It's hard, leaving and knowing that it's the last time, but everything changes.

"Yeah," Chuck says. "I'm ready."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Tendo's a little shaky. As best he can tell from the TV screen, Herc and Chuck are both unharmed, but this is the worst timing of any Kaiju attack yet, and they were lucky that they were even still in Sydney to stop Mutavore. He watches Herc skirt around questions about the destruction of the city during the fight, the loss of civilian lives -- the reporter's somehow ignoring the fact that Mutavore broke right through the Wall like it was clay, still trying to pin down the Jaeger Program as ineffective even now. Herc's jaw is tight and his short answers give away his irritation, but he looks fine. The cameras switch over to Chuck, and he doesn't look injured either, but Tendo won't be able to relax until he can see him in person.

He can only tell because he knows Chuck so well, but Tendo can see the tension in his shoulders, the unsteadiness in his expression, despite the cockiness he always amps up for the cameras. His confidence hardly ever wavers, but it's difficult for even Chuck to be satisfied with being right about the Wall. People died today, and he still doesn't know exactly what's going on, and it's making him edgy.

He can only tell because he knows Chuck so well, but Tendo can see the unsteadiness in his eyes, the tension in his shoulders, despite the cockiness he amps up for the cameras. His confidence hardly ever waves, but it's difficult for even Chuck to be satisfied with being right about the Wall. People died today.

There's even more work to do after the attack so Tendo busies himself with that, trying to reassure himself with the knowledge that Chuck's okay. It all could have been a lot worse, so he tries to put it out of his mind and loses himself in the rush of the Shatterdome for the next few hours. He's just finished his fourth cup of coffee when someone nudges him and he looks up to see Chuck striding across the LOCCENT Centre towards him, his hair and jacket still damp from the rain.

Chuck takes advantage of the size he has over Tendo whenever he can, and he certainly doesn't hesitate to do so now as he wraps his arms around Tendo and practically lifts him off the ground as he kisses him, right there in front of everyone. Tendo takes a moment to be embarrassed before kissing him back, just glad to be able to know that he's okay.

It's not like their relationship is a secret, most people know about them by now. But they both prefer to keep these things away where nobody's watching, and they've never done anything so brazen and public as thing, but neither of them can bring themselves to care at the moment.

"Missed you," Chuck whispers in his ear when he finally pulls away. "Pentecost wants to talk to me and Dad. I'll see you later."

And with that, he's turning and walking away again. Chuck, at least, can pretend that his cheeks are red because of the cold and wind outside, but he leaves Tendo standing in the middle of the room with an undeniable blush, all too aware that his hair's a mess, trying to ignore everyone's whispers and whistles.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Raleigh's just finished telling Tendo about his session in the Kwoon with the candidates -- he's convinced that Mako's the only one for him. She's brilliant, but Tendo knows there are reasons that Pentecost kept her off the candidate list for a reason, though it's not his place to divulge them. They'll just have to see how it plays out, but Tendo's got faith in the two of them. Raleigh already talks about Mako like she's hung the moon, but he's clashed with Chuck from the start.

"Is Herc's kid always that smug?" Raleigh grumbles.

"A good deal of the time, yeah," Tendo admits. "But he's--this isn't easy on any of us."

Raleigh looks at him closely, then his eyebrows shoot upwards. After all this time, he still knows Tendo so well. "Shit, Tendo, really?"

"Really," Tendo says dryly.

"I'm sorry," Raleigh says mock-solemnly, and raises his hands in deference, laughing when Tendo elbows him. "No, okay, sorry. How long?"

"About a year and a half. Feels like longer."

Raleigh whistles lowly and nudges him. "Serious, then. I guess I can't he be all that bad."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

"Bringing Becket in was an even worse idea than I thought," Chuck says.

"Stop squirming." Tendo dabs at the new cuts on his face with antiseptic and sighs when Chuck scowls. "I think you mostly brought this one on yourself."

"I'll apologize to Mako."

"Don't do it just because you think I want to you, do it because you mean it." Tendo gives the cuts one last swipe. "I'm not saying they didn't screw up, but this isn't exactly helping the situation, either."

Chuck's been restless these past few days. The Sydney Shatterdome, Mutavore's attack, their plan to close the Breach for good -- he doesn't want to admit to it, but it's all getting to him, and Tendo knows. Mako and Raleigh's first Drift was a disaster to say the least, and Chuck's fight with Raleigh has only made things worse when they don't need any more complications.

"It was a bit more of than a screw up," Chuck snorts. "They could have goddamn killed us all. Dad always said the Drift's about trust. Well, I wouldn't trust those two to watch my back in a fight, and I still have things I wanna live for. I'm not going to die because of them."

Chuck's more complex than most give him credit for, and Tendo's seen so many different sides of him, but even through all the anger and doubt, he's never seen Chuck scared. Not like this. It's not something that Chuck's accustomed to either, and he doesn't react to it well.

"You're too stubborn to die," Tendo says, trying to keep it light. He doesn't want to consider the alternatives.

"Damn straight," Chuck says, but his hands are still clenched into fists. "You're not getting rid of me yet. I'm not leaving."

Tendo's not sure if Chuck's saying it to him, or reassuring himself.

"Come on," Tendo says, closing the first aid kit. "We've got things to do. I need some damn coffee. And maybe a bagel."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Stacker explains the plan, and Tendo knows they're out of other options. They've lost Cherno Alpha and Crimson Typhoon already, and they can't afford lose more Jaegers. If Hermann's predictions are right, there's going to be a triple event very soon, and they might not be able to survive an attack like that.

"We only have two Jaegers left, so we have to act quickly, increase our chances as much as possible," Pentecost tells Tendo and Herc. It's only the three of them in this meeting, and it reminds Tendo of five years ago, standing by each other while they were told the Jaeger Program was being shut down. Back then, they'd been staring down a dim road as well, with a glimmer of hope to keep them going, but the stakes are much higher here, their deadline approaching rapidly. "Striker will deliver the bomb to the portal in the Breach while Gipsy runs protection."

"I can't pilot Striker like this," Herc says. He hates feeling useless like this, but he can't get in a Jaeger with his arm injured.

"I know," Stacker says. "That's why I will be riding with Chuck in Striker, and you and Tendo will be here, supervising the mission."

Herc and Tendo both begin to protest at the same time.

"You and Chuck in the Drift, it'll never--"

"You're not going to survive another run in a Jaeger--"

Stacker holds up a hand, and they quiet. "I know. But we have no choice. This will work, or it's all over."

"You'll die," Tendo says. Chuck will die with him, too. If they complete the mission, then they save the world, but they still lose too much. Mako and Raleigh might have a chance, but Stacker is going to die in that Jaeger, and Chuck would never abandon his co-pilot, even if it's their first run together, and Stacker would never force him into an escape pod. It's a Ranger thing. Chuck's explained it to him before -- connecting with someone's mind like that, Drifting with someone and then leaving your co-pilot, it's unthinkable. They'd never even consider it.

Tendo's never Drifted with anyone. He's never been compatible, and he'll never share minds with anyone, but he can understand what it's like to not want to leave someone. He knows what it's like to share your life and everything you have someone, and not want to let that go. There's a clench in his chest that's making it hard to breathe; he's scared, desperately trying to hold onto the people that he loves, and he's failing.

"I know," Stacker says evenly. He knows what it means for Tendo and Herc as well, but there's nothing that any of them can do.

They're going to lose everything again, just like in the beginning. Tendo loses his lover, Herc loses his son, and they both lose a friend.

"Newt and Hermann are still working, and they won't stop. They have a Kaiju, and they'll do whatever they can. Tendo, are the Jaegers ready?" Tendo nods. There's only the final minor repairs to be done and another check of the systems, and that'll be done soon. "There's going to be work, even after this. It would be a mistake to underestimate the Kaiju again. Will you take over as Marshal when this is done?"

Herc, who hasn't spoken or moved yet, nods once.

"Thank you both," Stacker says. "For everything. There are no others that I would rather have come all this way with, and it has been an honour."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

They decide that Stacker should be the one to tell Chuck. Tendo waits in his bunk, trying to breathe. He'll need a clear head tomorrow, needs to be calm in the middle of a storm, but he can't quite manage it yet. He's remembering Yancy, remembering every other pilot he's seen go down, and it's going to happen to Chuck too.

The door opens, and Chuck walks over to where Tendo's sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Guess we had to change the plan," he says shakily. "Sorry."

They both let their desperation out, don't hold anything back. They'll make the most of what little they have left, because this is the last time.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

They say their goodbyes in the morning; they both agree that later there won't be enough time, and they want this to themselves. Tendo has to get to LOCCENT to prepare, and Chuck's got to suit up and talk to Herc. Neither of them want to move, though, wishing they could stay in bed and sleep in too late like they do on their days off, just spending time together while they have it.

They're out of time.

"Look out for Dad and Max for me."

Chuck's ready to go, almost stepping out the door half a dozen times, but he keeps stopping to snatch one last kiss or touch Tendo one more time. He can't let go yet.

"I love you," Tendo whispers into his ear, and Chuck shakes.

"Love you," he echoes hoarsely, and finally drags himself away.

Tendo sees Mako later when he's heading to LOCCENT. She's got red-rimmed eyes like Tendo. He's gotten to know her well during the time they've been restoring Gipsy Danger together, and he reads everything in the nod she gives him from across the hall, and returns the gesture.

_I'm sorry._

He locks everything away inside; he'll have time to let it out later. For now, he has to keep himself controlled. The Shatterdome's more frantic than it's ever been, everything's hurrying to get where they need to be, driven by the knowledge that this is the most important day of their lives, the one that they will never forget, the one that will decide everything. Stacker's speech bolsters their spirits, and Tendo has to believe that their mission will succeed, but there's a part of him that can't forget that Chuck won't make it out of there. It sits in his chest and festers there while the Jaegers wade through the ocean; he forces it down into immobility and silence but it still weighs heavy on his heart, ignored until it can't be anymore. By the time that Stacker and Chuck are backed into a corner with only one option left for them, it's crushing him.

"They're gonna detonate the payload."

Herc has a hand on Tendo's shoulder now, gripping him so tight that it hurts, but it's a welcome pain, giving Tendo something to ground him.

"Well, my father always said--he said if you have the shot, then you take it." Herc's tenses even further. "So let's do this."

Tendo closes his eyes.

"Don't forget about me," is the last thing that Chuck says, barely audible over the warning signals, and it's for Tendo.

When the blast settles, and Gipsy Danger starts struggling forwards, Newt asks, "What are they doing?"

It's Herc that speaks this time. Tendo can't just yet. "Finishing the mission."

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

Chuck wishes that he wasn't dying like this with Pentecost, that he could keep his last memories of Tendo all for himself, and maybe it's selfish, but he's pretty sure that Pentecost feels the same. He can feel the pain, sharp and sudden, when Mako speaks to Pentecost for the last time. Their grief mingles, echoing through their link, bouncing back stronger each time, until it stops.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

The war clock's back to zero, for good this time, but the weight hasn't lifted off Tendo's chest yet. The relief in the Shatterdome is tangible, but he needs to get away from the crowds, so once he knows that Mako and Raleigh are safe, he slips away. Herc catches his eye as he goes and nods minutely. Tendo's pretty sure he won't be sticking around for too much of the celebration either.

Tendo knows every inch of the Shatterdome, so he goes to one of the little nooks he's sure will be empty, leaning against the wall and slumping to the floor, too exhausted to do anything else. He's surrounded by office furniture and other junk they'd cleared out of one of the labs to make room ages ago. It smells like dust and stale air, but it's better than anywhere else, where he'd be choking on memories.

It's over. It's finally over, and Tendo's alone, wondering where he goes now, and why he doesn't have anyone to go there with.

The muffled sounds of celebration die down eventually. They'll continue later, in the next few days and weeks -- everyone deserves it; they saved the world today -- but tonight, everyone's exhausted, and they finally have time to rest. The Shatterdome finally gets to sleep, with no possibility of a Kaiju attack looming over it, but there are still people awake. When Tendo finally leaves the room, he's drawn to another storage space by the sound of voices. It's Herc, Mako, Raleigh, Newt, and Hermann. They're sitting in a circle, boxes of broken equipment shoved to the side to make room for the chairs they'd dragged in, a bottle of good wine and some glasses sitting on one of the boxes.

"We were wondering when you'd show up," Raleigh says, waving him over to sit in the empty chair between Mako and Herc. Newt pours a drink and passes it down the line to him.

"So, what are we all doing here?"

"Sitting," Newt says, shrugging. "Because we can."

"But now you're here, we can make a toast," Raleigh says. "To everyone."

"To the Rangers, and the scientists, the techs and the engineers, and everyone who was a part of the Jaeger Program."

"To the ones we lost, and the ones we saved."

"To humanity."

"To saving the world."

They raise their glasses and drink.

Mako starts talking to Newt about something inconsequential, like they didn't just make history, and it's comforting. Tendo notices that Hermann is watching them quietly. He and Newt had drifted, and there's clearly something to work out there.

Herc shifts closer to Tendo and grabs his attention. He looks as tired as Tendo feels, and sounds it, too. "He loved you. He really--he never felt about anyone else like he felt about you. And you--we would have ended up much worse without you. Thank you."

Chuck's first love, and his last. Tendo hopes that he was worth it. "He loved you too. I know it was hard for him to say it, but he did."

Herc nods. "I know."

Then Newt and Mako are laughing, Raleigh and Hermann are smiling at them, and Herc's own smile is small, but real, and maybe Tendo's not totally alone yet.

⇤⇡↡⇡⇥

The PPDC authority listens to them this time when they say that while the Breach may be closed now, they still need to take steps to ensure that the Kaiju are gone for good. Their allowance is too little, too late, but what's done is done. They allow Herc to stay on as Marshal, and Tendo to keep his position as well. Stacker had organized everything in advance -- Tendo suspects that he'd anticipated and prepared for any number of situations. Neither of them are willing to leave yet anyway, even if they'd had somewhere to go. The Shatterdomes won't all be restored to full functionality, now that the Jaegers are gone, but the research and development departments have been given funding again, and Tendo and Herc are in charge of what's left of the Program.

Sometimes they go back to Sydney and visit the grave they have for Chuck there. It's not one of the big, public memorials where they honour all the fallen rangers, where they'd immediately be pounced on by reporters -- they don’t like the press and never have; after all the time they spent questioning the Jaeger Program, they've done a one-eighty and their fickle way of turning on whoever's vulnerable leaves a bitter taste in their mouths. This is something small and private for themselves, the people who knew the quiet parts of Chuck that he never let anyone else see.

Tendo has kept his grandfather's words with him all this time, and endured this war. He's not sure where it leaves him. But for now, he has the Jaeger Program, and he has his friends, the ones who are trying to learn to live with being left behind too, and he has the time to learn how to breathe again.


End file.
